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I love birthdays…it means different things to different people and if you are one of those people who don’t take full advantage of your rights on your birthday than please read on & enlighten yourself to all the perks you are missing.
On your birthday you are president, emperor, king, sorcerer, sultan, colossus of clout, creator of mayhem. You have a ‘get out of jail free’ pass that will only work with friends, some family, maybe strangers, and almost always never cops. If you act like this on a regular basis than you can just forget about getting it on your birthday. Especially from me.
You eat free at Denny’s. If you have good friends you can drink free all night too. It’s the one day you can pick to eat any where in the fucken world so do yourself a favor and DON’T pick King Egg Roll or Tung Kee.
You can say, ‘I don’t want anything for my birthday…’ and everyone will know that you are full of shit.
The expectations, the anxiety, the happiness, the sadness, the justification of getting piss drunk sloppy & everyone must deal with it. If you’re married or in a serious relationship where you can say give me head and your partner will look at you like a piece of terd is growing out the top of your lip then for sure you’re getting some kind of ‘fallacing’ without argument. It is your birth right. Own it.
For that one day you feel like you can piss or shit glitter and everyone will want to dip their chocolate cookies in it and devour each & every drop like the world really was going to end in 2012.
If you are a parent, than hopefully that means not having to change a diaper, wake up with the kids at night, make dinner, breakfast, lunch, etc… That’s if your lucky…
Birthdays were meant for celebrating you. Take advantage of it, embrace your youth or your geriatric-yness (not a word I know but I think it deserves a spot in Webster’s dictionary).
So if your birthday is today, here are some famous people you share birthdays with…
Edith Roosevelt. Who is she? I am not too sure. Don’t judge me for admitting that, but with a last name like Roosevelt I know she has to be famous.
Lucille Ball. Married a Cuban. Made a show about it. Her face is on lunch pails & coffee mugs around the world.
Andy Warhol. The coolest gay behind a camera. So far.
Peter Bonerz. I really don’t know who he is but dammit his last name is Bonerz & he spells it with a Z that makes him extra hoodrat.
M Night Shymalan. The movie maker that will scare the shit out of you and teach you a lesson at the same time.
Vera Farmiga. Who is this character you say? An actress with the face of an angel. Google her. She will service your air conditioner never.
By the way, it also means you can go shopping. So why not stop by www.rrcollective.bigcartel.com and cop yourself something from our new or old line? Worth a shot…
PEACE & Very Merry Un-Birthday to those that do not have a birthday today.
